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  2. Okay so I’ve not much in the way of good pickup lines, but I have enclosed for your amusement some rather lovely relationship-related FAILS on the parts of my characters:

    “Yes, I have been in some wonderfully shitty relationships where kissing and other such intimacies did occur before things went ass-up, thank you very much, Tam,” Alhambra ‘retorts’ with another yawn. “And whoever the fuck says it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all I think is full of shit. Just sayin’. And yeah as much as I’d like havin’ me some kind of happy whutever, if wishes were fishes we’d all be fat. I don’t meet people. People meet me. An’ then they either trick me into thinking they’s the right one or they go and fuck off outta my life before I can find out if they in fact -was- the right one.” She makes a motion generally associated with male self-amusement. “An’ that would be why I don’t wanna go to muhfuckin’ hookup cruises.”

    Then we’ve got Leucohyle, who couldn’t read an innuendo if it came with instructions:

    Majors sips his drink and glances Leu over for a long moment. “Hmm well I do believe we have a deal now.” He muses to the woman. A sly smile creases his lips. “Care to come by for tea from time to time luv?”
    Leucohyle looks up from her rapid-movement scrutiny of the Psi Blocker. “I I already come here for tea from time to time.”
    “Is that so? You must certainly ask for me. I could use proper company from time to time.” Majors replies.
    “Speaking of which, I I haven’t gotten my tea nor my scone yet. You you may want to see to that,” Leucohyle pipes, apparently doing a very poor job at reading the sly smile.

    Then, well, there’s Joca. Joca really doesn’t ‘pick up’, per se, it’s an intricate combination of body language, pheromones, and Eurotrash that brings a particular demographic of boys to the proverbial yard. If I gave it away, she’d probably shank me in the night. But here are a few of her… best?

    “I like Timmie. Come. I know good place for se drink.”

    “Oh yes,” she finally purrs. “I know ‘ow to make se booty call.”

    “You are familiar wis se revenge sex?”

    She sets a hand on her hip. “Okay,” she says, darting her tongue over a gold-backed canine tooth, “Try me.”

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