Category: Tales from Cypress Knee

NaNoWriMo 2013: Knee Deep, Installment 1

November 3, 2013November 25, 2013 Brody No Comments

In the purple November twilight, the abomination rising on the east side of Interstate 95 looked to Jim Larman more like the familiar silhouette of his youth: a great sombrero atop the 200-foot tower of the roadside attraction formerly known as Nico’s Natural Wonderland.

But then, inevitably, the rosy pink neon and spotlights switched on, laying bare the truth of the monument’s evolution.

Now, the cone of the sombrero was a freakishly pointy metal breast – one that would’ve felt right at home in Madonna’s bra in that old “Express Yourself” video, he mused. Atop the dark nipple, a crimson aircraft hazard light blinked its soft warning for planes that might be coming from or going to Cypress Knee Municipal Airport or the Wings Over Florida retirement community north of town.

The brim of the sombrero had become a glazed brown doughnut with candy-colored sprinkles and swirls of white frosting.

A billboard beckoning motorists off the highway at Exit 325 proclaimed: NAUGHTY NICO’S WILD WORLD.

Fiction, NaNoWriMo, Tales from Cypress Knee

Tales from Cypress Knee 2: Punching Shaun

November 3, 2013November 3, 2013 Brody No Comments

I didn’t punch Shaun Bradley for using me to manipulate Randy.

But I did write an angry letter. Angry for me, at least. I was polite, but firm, explaining that I didn’t appreciate how the process had worked. Toward the end, though, I dropped the gauntlet:

“I’m left with the clear indication that I don’t have any likely opportunities for advancement in the near future. Under the circumstances, I may need to seek employment elsewhere.”

I showed a printed copy to my wife.

“I don’t know about this,” she said.

“I have to let him know how I feel,” I said.

“It’ll make him mad,” she said.

“I’m mad.”

“Yes, but he’s your boss. He can fire you.”

Tales from Cypress Knee

Tales from Cypress Knee 1: Anger Management

November 3, 2013November 3, 2013 Brody No Comments

“I know why you’re here,” the pudgy blind man assured me from behind his cluttered gray metal desk. “But I’d like to hear you say it.”

“Punched my boss,” I said. After, it should probably be noted, leaping over his desk and trying to throttle him. In retrospect, maybe I overreacted, but it had seemed like an excellent idea at the time.

“No doubt, that precipitated your visit. But why are you here?”

A lot of factors simply didn’t come together, allowing me to make it to the first of three scheduled anger management appointments. I failed to get lost on the way to the Staffer Support annex in downtown Orlando. A wayward jet en route to the airport didn’t drop an engine on my head. Physics hadn’t chosen me, minutes before my arrival, for the gift of spontaneous combustion.

Something told me that none of these answers, no matter how perfectly valid, would satisfy the shrink.

The framed diploma on the pale yellow wall behind him – a doctorate from the University of Central Florida – identified him as William L. Brooks, but he had insisted that I call him Billy Lee.

I sighed. “Look, I had a choice: this or unemployment.” Technically, it was this or jail on battery charges AND unemployment.

Billy Lee, certified psychologist, swiveled his chair to the right so that he could reach the door of the mini-fridge that hummed in a corner of his cramped office. “Mind if I eat a sandwich? Blood sugar.” He didn’t wait for an answer. Instead, he plucked a hoagie wrapped in white wax paper from the top shelf and a can of diet Sierra Mist from the second shelf.

Shrugging, I took the iPhone from my shirt pocket and revved up Angry Birds in silent mode.

Tales from Cypress Knee