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Tag: Florida

Tales from Cypress Knee 1: Anger Management

Posted on November 3, 2013November 3, 2013 By Brody No Comments on Tales from Cypress Knee 1: Anger Management

“I know why you’re here,” the pudgy blind man assured me from behind his cluttered gray metal desk. “But I’d like to hear you say it.”

“Punched my boss,” I said. After, it should probably be noted, leaping over his desk and trying to throttle him. In retrospect, maybe I overreacted, but it had seemed like an excellent idea at the time.

“No doubt, that precipitated your visit. But why are you here?”

A lot of factors simply didn’t come together, allowing me to make it to the first of three scheduled anger management appointments. I failed to get lost on the way to the Staffer Support annex in downtown Orlando. A wayward jet en route to the airport didn’t drop an engine on my head. Physics hadn’t chosen me, minutes before my arrival, for the gift of spontaneous combustion.

Something told me that none of these answers, no matter how perfectly valid, would satisfy the shrink.

The framed diploma on the pale yellow wall behind him – a doctorate from the University of Central Florida – identified him as William L. Brooks, but he had insisted that I call him Billy Lee.

I sighed. “Look, I had a choice: this or unemployment.” Technically, it was this or jail on battery charges AND unemployment.

Billy Lee, certified psychologist, swiveled his chair to the right so that he could reach the door of the mini-fridge that hummed in a corner of his cramped office. “Mind if I eat a sandwich? Blood sugar.” He didn’t wait for an answer. Instead, he plucked a hoagie wrapped in white wax paper from the top shelf and a can of diet Sierra Mist from the second shelf.

Shrugging, I took the iPhone from my shirt pocket and revved up Angry Birds in silent mode.

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Tales from Cypress Knee

Mom gets last laugh this time

Posted on November 2, 2013November 20, 2013 By Brody No Comments on Mom gets last laugh this time

This column appeared in The Herald-Sun in 2013:

The day after Mom became a cyborg, she apparently gained an obscure superpower.

“I smell heat,” she said groggily as she reclined on her bed. Doctor’s orders: a full week of bed rest following surgery to install a defibrillator in her chest. “Is something burning?”

I eyed the white-capped orange bottle of Percocet on the bedside shelf and immediately assumed it was the drugs talking. So I laughed, shook my head and proceeded to joke about it in a Facebook status update.

It felt good to have something to joke about.

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Journalism, Non-Fiction, Sample Columns

Move over, Will Smith: we’ll crush those aliens

Posted on November 2, 2013 By Brody No Comments on Move over, Will Smith: we’ll crush those aliens

This column appeared in The St. Petersburg Times on July 13, 1997: By Wes Platt The Sol III Pathfinder, wrapped inside a giant ball of string, slams into the U-Save parking lot at 55 mph, bouncing over stunned pedestrians pushing grocery carts toward their cars, toppling the golden arches of the McDonald’s, and finally coming to rest…

Read More “Move over, Will Smith: we’ll crush those aliens” »

Sample Columns

Pool table oracle speaks

Posted on November 2, 2013November 2, 2013 By Brody No Comments on Pool table oracle speaks

This column appeared in The St. Petersburg Times on Jan. 3, 2000: By Wes Platt Many legitimate pundits are putting forth their educated opinions about what the future holds in the new millennium. Not me. Oh, I’m going to put forth some opinions about the future of central and east Pasco, but I’m not going…

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Sample Columns

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