Home of Wes Platt and OtherSpace MUSH
“Therefore, let it be resolved that the City of Cypress Knee welcomes one and all to celebrate the commemoration of our one hundred and sixty-seventh anniversary during Founder’s Day Weekend.”
Adelaide Spruce, chair of the city council, set the proclamation aside and then looked toward the other five present members of the board.
“Do I hear a motion to approve this proclamation?” she asked.
Jumper was among sixteen Florida alligators that Dean Gallant snared for Naughty Nico’s back in the late ‘90s for Rutledge Silloway.
Gallant, a raging alcoholic and rumored kiddie-diddler, could slither like a moccasin through even the most seemingly unnavigable patches of Cypress Swamp.
In the purple November twilight, the abomination rising on the east side of Interstate 95 looked to Jim Larman more like the familiar silhouette of his youth: a great sombrero atop the 200-foot tower of the roadside attraction formerly known as Nico’s Natural Wonderland.
But then, inevitably, the rosy pink neon and spotlights switched on, laying bare the truth of the monument’s evolution.
Now, the cone of the sombrero was a freakishly pointy metal breast – one that would’ve felt right at home in Madonna’s bra in that old “Express Yourself” video, he mused. Atop the dark nipple, a crimson aircraft hazard light blinked its soft warning for planes that might be coming from or going to Cypress Knee Municipal Airport or the Wings Over Florida retirement community north of town.
The brim of the sombrero had become a glazed brown doughnut with candy-colored sprinkles and swirls of white frosting.
A billboard beckoning motorists off the highway at Exit 325 proclaimed: NAUGHTY NICO’S WILD WORLD.
I didn’t punch Shaun Bradley for using me to manipulate Randy.
But I did write an angry letter. Angry for me, at least. I was polite, but firm, explaining that I didn’t appreciate how the process had worked. Toward the end, though, I dropped the gauntlet:
“I’m left with the clear indication that I don’t have any likely opportunities for advancement in the near future. Under the circumstances, I may need to seek employment elsewhere.”
I showed a printed copy to my wife.
“I don’t know about this,” she said.
“I have to let him know how I feel,” I said.
“It’ll make him mad,” she said.
“I’m mad.”
“Yes, but he’s your boss. He can fire you.”