MANHATTAN, NEW YORK – A shipment of pink phallic balloons delivered to a daycare center on Manhattan’s East Side on Friday is now under investigation as a terrorist activity.
The balloons, delivered fully inflated and in boxes postmarked from the Texas territory, were delivered to the Ira Evan Levine Preschool.
“Our teachers took the balloons out, expecting to see funny animals, like horses and dogs and ducks,” said the school’s general manager and the founder’s grandson, Eugene Levine. “Imagine their horror when they pulled out these inflated, erect penis balloons. Uncircumcised, no less.”
The school had been preparing for a summer camp festival called “The Unity Farm.” Officials suspect that a Texan terrorist organization known as the Lone Star Exiles, known for non-violent acts of vandalism, may be responsible.