BITHLO, FLORIDA – A 34-year-old Earth man was found dead today, buried beneath a smothering hoard of plastic wrappers from tens of thousands of Fizzy Cakes.
The victim, Ray Earl Raymond, apparently ate the snack cakes almost exclusively – and fed them to his massively obese and now diabetic corgis.
It appears Raymond tripped and fell into the pile, which was at least four feet deep, and inadvertantly inhaled enough wrappers to clog his airways.
Coroners estimate it took several minutes to die. His face was sticky with dog saliva.