Sometimes, character applications for OtherSpace don’t measure up. I’m going to post a series over time with an eye toward offering helpful hints to other would-be applicants so they can avoid pitfalls and find easier entry into the MUSH:
I have lived in a rather wealthy family, my childhood was filled with technology as well as combat as I practiced with swords and guns alike, also, I have learned the ways of computers. I am now aspiring to become an explorer learning about technologies of other people, in the future, I wish to become the leader of a starship Fleet.
Critique: First, players are expected to submit a character biography of 250 words minimum. This runs 65 words, but could be summed up as “I know technology and weapons and I want to lead a fleet.” It doesn’t tell me where the character came from, where his family got its wealth, what kind of events shaped his personality, or why he’s driven to lead a fleet.
Blonde hair, blue eyes, hight is 5.3, weight is 170 pounds
Critique: Not much of a description. Short, poor punctuation, and not even a simple courtesy spellcheck. No mention of gender. It’s best to write a description in paragraph form. A more acceptable version of this would be: “This blonde-haired, blue-eyed man stands 5 foot 3 and weighs 170 pounds.” Might go on to add whether his hair is cut short, if he’s got a clean-shaven face or stubble, any distinguishing features. Could also add clothing.